I dont know what to do with myself anymore

I hate it so much i hate it

having automatic groinal responses to anything and everything i wouldnt want too and gives me so much anxiety and stress and ive just been dealing with it so long ive been like disassociated until i finally bursted into tears about it twice last night and the other night before crying so much i was having a panic attack thinking about everything i hate it, i dont even know how to talk to my counsellor about this especially since ive seen stories of people not understanding ocd and thats my biggest fear because my themes surround pocd/zocd and stuff and its really hard ive tried talking about it before but i just cry before i can get any words out. I will hopefully be starting medication soon as i was prescribed some called fluvoxamine for ocd but i havent started it yet i still have to be getting of fluoxetine. and i know medication isnt a quick fix and therapy is needed too but i dont even know how to talk about it because im so scared.