coping with obsessive attachment and depression

hi. i’m not sure how to word this properly, but i think i need psychological support.

i’ve been struggling with major depression for about four years, along with severe anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and obsessive attachment. for the past three years, i’ve been emotionally fixated on someone i’ve never met in real life and whose face i’ve never seen. he seems to see me only as a friend (if even that), while my emotional response to him is far more intense.

i believe he has strong narcissistic traits, and i genuinely can’t tell whether what i feel toward him is love, hatred, or a disturbing mix of both. i’ve tried to distance myself from him many times, but my obsession doesn’t allow it (i have his phone number memorized, and i keep finding ways back). i’ve done almost everything i can think of just to get his attention, and i feel like i’m on the edge of losing control.

at times, i experience hallucination-like experiences or strong illusions related to him (feeling his presence, believing he feels the same way, or interpreting things as signs of a connection). when i don’t hear from him, i become extremely distressed. i know he doesn’t owe me attraction or feelings, and i accept that (what hurts is that he won’t even clearly define whether i’m considered a friend).

i’m not in immediate danger, but i feel mentally exhausted, overwhelmed, and trapped in my own mind. i don’t know what kind of professional help i should seek or how to explain this properly to a therapist.

if anyone has experienced something similar or has advice on getting the right kind of psychological help, i’d really appreciate it. thank you for reading.