Not doing it today I guess?

Today is the day my boyfriend passed away, it’s been a year. I don’t know how to behave, his mum just called me. I feel so numb and tense at the same time.

I chose not to use something but drink beer only. Not drinking would be better I guess but drinking couple of beers is understandable right? I would normally do drugs but trying to change and be better because that’s what my boyfriend would want.