I feel like I’ve stopped being a human and started being a logistics manager.

When did motherhood become 90% inventory management and 10% actually being present? ​I realized today that my entire brain is just a running list of "to-dos." Did the baby eat enough? Is there a clean sleep sack for tonight? Do we have enough diapers for the weekend? When was the last time he had a bowel movement? ​I’m so busy managing the "business" of being a mom that I feel like I’m missing the actual experience. I look at my son and I love him more than life, but my first thought is usually about his schedule or his next meal rather than just enjoying him. ​I’m exhausted from the mental load. I miss having a brain that wasn't constantly calculating wake windows and laundry cycles. Does anyone else feel like they’ve traded their personality for a giant, invisible clipboard?