return to sender

I forgive you.
I forgive you for falling so hard for somebody who didn't and couldn't appreciate you. I forgive you for pining after them for years even though they showed you over and over that they were using you for your attention, your money, and your home. I forgive you for every chance you gave them. I forgive you for letting them have access to your affection, your secrets, your love, and your body. Even though we both knew they were taking advantage. I forgive you for lowering your standards for this person. I forgive you for compromising your own moral code in order to feel loved by this person. I forgive you for allowing them to make you the worst version of yourself over and over. I forgive you for crying over them. I forgive you for spending that effort to get to know them, and love them, and constantly trying to do right by them only to be met with callous and cold indifference.
I forgive you for staying when they asked you, "Why are you with me" and you didn't have an answer. You just couldn't bear the thought of losing them.
I forgive you for begging to know why they were pulling away, and I forgive you for staying even though you knew they were lying when they told you they weren't. I forgive you for trying to fix it even though nobody in that house wanted you to, and both of them were betting on your failure.
I forgive you for the honest mistake of loving somebody who couldn't stand you. I forgive you for wanting to believe them so badly when they told you they loved you, and missed you, and wanted you to keep them. I forgive you for telling them 'Forever' and now having to pull them strand by bloody strand out of your heart so you can heal. I forgive you for not knowing better. I forgive you for knowing better and doing it anyways because for some reason that love looked so golden that you didn't realize the black pit you were staring into. I forgive you for believing in them. I forgive you for encouraging them. I forgive you for supporting them when they still treated you like an afterthought. I forgive you for forgiving them. I forgive you for no longer being able to.