Interdepartmental Memo RE: The Screaming

**To:** All Staff, Department of Environmental Compliance

**From:** Marcus Webb, Floor Manager

**Date:** Thursday, 9:15 AM

**Subject:** Please Stop Filing Complaints About The Screaming

Good morning team,

I’ve received 47 emails since Monday regarding “the screaming coming from Sub-Level 3.” I appreciate everyone’s vigilance in reporting workplace concerns, but I need to clarify a few things.

First: There is no Sub-Level 3.

According to our building schematics, we have a ground floor, six upper floors, and two sub-levels for parking and storage. That’s it. So technically, whatever you’re hearing cannot be coming from Sub-Level 3, because Sub-Level 3 does not exist.

I know some of you have found the stairwell that goes down past Sub-Level 2. I know the door is labeled “SL-3.” I know it’s locked. These facts do not change the official building documentation, which clearly shows only two sub-levels.

Per HR policy 4.7.2, employees cannot file complaints about spaces that do not officially exist. Please stop sending these emails. They’re clogging the system and making it difficult to process legitimate facilities requests.

Second: Even if Sub-Level 3 did exist (which it doesn’t), the screaming would be a Facilities issue, not Environmental Compliance.

Several of you have argued that “the psychological impact of constant screaming constitutes an environmental workplace hazard.” While I appreciate the creative interpretation of our departmental scope, Environmental Compliance specifically handles air quality, lighting, temperature control, and ergonomic concerns.

Screaming—hypothetical or otherwise—falls under Facilities Management.

I’ve CC’d Gerald from Facilities on this email so he can address your concerns directly.

Third: Please stop trying to open the door.

Building Security has reported multiple attempted access violations on the SL-3 door this week. I shouldn’t have to remind you that attempting to access restricted areas is a terminable offense per your employment contract, Section 19.

“But the screaming sounds like someone needs help” is not a valid exception to security protocols.

If someone needed help, they would file a proper request through the appropriate channels. That’s what the channels are for.

Fourth: The door is supposed to be warm.

Maintenance has confirmed that elevated door temperature on the SL-3 access point is “within acceptable thermal parameters for that sector.” I don’t know what that means either, but Maintenance says it’s normal, so it’s normal.

Please stop touching the door and then filing burn injury reports. You’re not supposed to be touching the door in the first place.

Fifth: Jennifer, please stop leaving water bottles outside the door.

I understand you’re trying to be helpful, but leaving “supplies for whoever is down there” is not appropriate workplace behavior. It’s also against fire code to leave items in stairwells.

Security has removed your water bottles three times this week. They’ve asked me to remind you that “attempting to provide aid to non-existent personnel in non-existent spaces” could be grounds for a psychiatric evaluation referral.

I don’t want to do that. You’re a good employee. Please just stop.

Sixth: The screaming is probably just the HVAC system.

Old buildings make weird noises. It echoes through the ductwork. It sounds unsettling, but it’s just mechanical.

Yes, I know it “sounds like words.”

Yes, I know it “sounds like someone saying ‘please’ over and over.”

Yes, I know it happens at the same time every day (2:47 PM, if anyone’s curious).

It’s still just the HVAC system.

Facilities is looking into it.

Seventh: Do NOT contact the building’s previous owners.

I don’t know who started calling Chronos Industries asking about “what they kept in Sub-Level 3,” but that needs to stop immediately. Chronos Industries was dissolved in 2019 following the incident—sorry, the alleged incident—and all inquiries are now handled by their legal successors.

Who have filed a cease-and-desist.

Against us.

For harassment.

Legal is very unhappy about this.

Eighth: The smell is unrelated.

Several of you have mentioned “the smell that started coming from the SL-3 door on Wednesday.” Facilities has investigated and determined the smell is coming from the dumpsters behind the building, not from any internal source.

The fact that the smell “gets stronger the closer you get to the door” is coincidental.

The fact that it “smells like copper and burnt hair” is… well, the dumpsters are due for cleaning.

Ninth: Stop speculating in the break room.

I’ve been informed that yesterday’s lunch period involved a “brainstorming session” about what might be in Sub-Level 3. This is not an appropriate use of company time.

For the record:

- It’s not “government experiments” (we’re a mid-sized environmental consulting firm)

- It’s not “the previous tenants’ failed AI project” (Chronos Industries manufactured industrial lubricants)

- It’s definitely not “something that got loose during the 2019 evacuation” (there was no evacuation; the building transfer was routine)

It’s nothing, because Sub-Level 3 doesn’t exist.

Please use lunch breaks for eating lunch.

Tenth: Yes, I hear it too.

I know I said the screaming is probably just HVAC noise, but between us—and this is off the record—I hear it too. Every day at 2:47 PM. Sometimes earlier. Sometimes it goes on for hours.

I’ve tried to get Facilities to investigate properly, but every time I file a request, it gets kicked back as “invalid location reference.” I’ve tried calling Chronos’s legal successors, but they won’t return my calls. I’ve tried accessing the building’s original blueprints, but they’re sealed under some kind of proprietary agreement.

I don’t know what’s down there.

I don’t know why the door is warm.

I don’t know why Security seems nervous whenever anyone mentions it.

But here’s what I do know: We work here. This is our job. The company pays us to process environmental compliance reports, not to investigate mysterious screaming from non-existent sub-levels.

So here’s what we’re going to do:

We’re going to stop emailing about it.

We’re going to stop touching the door.

We’re going to stop filing complaints.

We’re going to do our jobs, collect our paychecks, and go home at the end of the day.

And if you can’t do that—if you absolutely cannot let this go—then I suggest you start looking for employment elsewhere. Because this is not a fight you’re going to win.

The building isn’t going to explain itself.

Facilities isn’t going to investigate.

Security isn’t going to unlock that door.

And HR has made it very clear that continued inquiries about Sub-Level 3 will be considered “failure to maintain professional boundaries” and handled accordingly.

So please.

Just let it go.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Best regards,

Marcus Webb

Floor Manager, Environmental Compliance

**P.S.** — If anyone actually manages to get that door open, please don’t tell me about it. I really don’t want to know.

**P.P.S.** — Jennifer, I found another water bottle in the stairwell this morning. This is your final warning.

**P.P.P.S.** — The screaming stopped at 4:15 PM yesterday. I don’t know if that’s better or worse.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​