CMV: “Forgive but never forget” isn’t real forgiveness

“Forgive but never forget” is a common expression, but I don’t think it actually makes sense. If you claim to forgive someone, yet you won’t forget what they did to you, how is that really forgiveness? Doesn’t that mean you’re still holding what they did to you against them, to some extent? You're still holding a grudge. That’s not true forgiveness in my opinion.

True forgiveness would mean forgetting what happened and giving the other person a clean slate. You can argue that that’s not wise, but that’s besides the point. Perhaps it would be more pragmatic to remember, but I don’t view that as forgiveness. It’s pseudo-forgiveness. It’s like signing an armistice rather than a peace treaty. It revolves around a conception of forgiveness that’s defined as, “I will not hate you nor seek revenge against you, but you will never have the same level of goodwill and trust that you had previously”. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but I wouldn’t call it forgiveness. I think “moving on” would be a better term. I think if you truly forgive someone, you have to forget what happened. Pretend as though it didn’t happen. That’s my conception of forgiveness; a clean slate.

Disclaimer: I am not saying anyone needs to forgive nor forget anything. You can feel however you want. I’m not judging anyone. I am simply discussing the concept of forgiveness and what it really means.