i fell down the stairs lol

i feel like in every aspect of life im falling down the stairs. I am so overwhelmed, and honestly feeling kind of lonely.

I dont feel like i fit in anywhere, no matter how many masks i try on, or how many people there are there i just dont fit in, i feel like im watching life go by in a glass sound proof box where no one can hear or see me yelling for help.

Im overwhelmed with work and my diagnosis and juggling chores and taking care of myself and of the pets.

I feel alone in this city with people i could call friends but they dont seem to listen to anything i say, all my jokes fall flat and my ideas and advice usually gets ignored because someone shinier, better, funnier entered the chat. Plans i suggest are never met with enthusiasm, games i offer to play with people get ignored and usually i end up playing them by myself.

Sometimes for a split second i feel 10 again, alone in my room because no one wanted to play with me. 10 again and being picked last at pe, never being invited to birthday parties, always last or not at all.

My birthday is coming up, havent celebrated it for myself, with friends in a while. Its always a perfomative act for my family and in laws, their get together. Not my birthday. I'll run around the entire night, serving drinks, wishing i had friends i could invite instead but i wont because i dont have any i feel connected to.

And on top of all of this, i just fell down the stairs. my elbow hurts, my chest is aching and i ripped my last and favorite pair of leggings. I honestly dont know how much longer i can do this for