Postpartum, Insecure, and Just Found My Husband Looking at Porn. I Don’t Know How to Feel

I’m a first-time mom a couple months postpartum and I’m really struggling with insecurity around sex in my marriage.

My husband and I welcomed our first baby recently. During pregnancy sex slowed down and obviously the first six weeks postpartum were off-limits. I expected some awkwardness afterward, but what I didn’t expect was for our sex life to be nonexistent on my end. Since being cleared, there’s been no real intimacy besides me giving him oral (and tbh that started before even getting cleared) There’s no reciprocation from him, we haven't taken the next step to have sex again despite me telling him multiple times I'm ready, and it’s starting to take a toll on me. I’m already feeling really vulnerable postpartum. I gained weight, my body looks completely different, and I don’t feel confident at all. I had a gut feeling something was off, and even though I know it was wrong, I went through his phone. I’ve only ever done that when I’ve had a strong instinct something wasn’t right and this time was no different.

I found that he uses Reddit to look at porn and also has an OnlyFans account he’s browsing. What hurt the most is that a lot of the content he looks at has “teen” in the title. I know that’s a common category online, but paired with how unwanted and insecure I already feel postpartum, it has me spiraling. I’m trying to navigate being a new mom, healing physically and emotionally, and now processing this on top of everything else. I feel rejected, unattractive, and honestly a little betrayed, even though I never had an issue with porn previously. He's laying in bed sound asleep while I'm in the other room feeding the baby and has no idea any of this just transpired. I don’t know what to do next.