When suffering feels like part of your identity (TW: ed, mental health, neurodivergent perspective)

Hi everyone!
A quick disclaimer: this is going to be a bit of a long post.
A few months ago I realized I’m neurodivergent. I’m 33 years old and I’ve had an eating disorder for more than 15 years.
Before the eating disorder, I had to wear an orthopedic brace, which I struggled a lot to let go of, because a sort of dependency had developed around it.
I also remember, as a child, how badly I wanted to get hurt, to wear bandaids, to be seen as “the poor fragile one,” the one everyone loved because she was delicate and vulnerable.
Now, at 33, the eating disorder feels extremely tight around me. It causes me a lot of suffering, but at the same time it feels impossible to untangle myself from it both because I perceive it as part of my identity, and because it’s as if I need to have something to focus on: to feel the pain, to atone for something.
My psychologist has also suggested that this might be providing me with dopamine.

I’m writing here because I feel this is deeply connected to neurodivergence, and I wanted to ask whether any of you relate to this either in this way or in other forms and how you’ve managed to cope with or overcome it.
Thanks so much!