FA girlfriend ended things after 1.5 yrs. I want her back.

TL;DR:

Dated my FA girlfriend for 1.5 years in an overall loving, calm relationship. She had never been in a relationship before and repeatedly panicked when commitment became real (labels, moving in, future plans). We worked through conflicts multiple times, expressed love, met families, and talked about a shared future but whenever living together or concrete next steps came up, she pulled back and mentioned doubts and communication/my stress. When I was shortlisted for an apartment, she suddenly said she had strong doubts, felt pressured, and decided to end the relationship, saying it might be her fear of commitment. We went no contact a week ago. I’m heartbroken and struggling to understand how something loving and seemingly fixable ended so abruptly.

We met organically through a friend. We’re both foreigners in Sweden, two women. She’s 35 and had never been in a relationship before me. We were into each other immediately and started seeing each other shortly after meeting.

About 3 months in, when I suggested a relationship, she panicked. I gave her space, no pressure, and waited. Three weeks later she decided to try, but warned me she needed to go slow. Even then, she often said she didn’t know what she wanted and talked extensively with friends before making decisions.

At the time, I was unemployed and under a lot of financial stress, but I didn’t want to burden her. We always split expenses. Despite that, the early months were calm and happy. She was warm, loving, present, and consistent — never leaving me waiting for texts, okay with double/triple texting, proactive about seeing each other and saying good night/good morning. It felt secure.

Seven months in, I got a very high-stress job with lots of overtime.

Overall, the relationship was nurturing and loving. We genuinely enjoyed spending time together, even doing simple things. We talked about a future together often.

Where things started to go wrong:

About a year in, she booked 8 weeks of trips in spring/summer with friends. We had barely traveled together, and she was gone most long weekends. She booked these trips without much consideration for us. She eventually reduced them a bit, but during that time communication changed: before leaving she’d be cold and practical, then during the trips she’d avoid addressing my hurt, while sending “I miss you” texts to keep things light.

I wanted acknowledgement and repair. I didn’t feel it, so sometimes I pulled back — answering late or dry. I know that hurt her. I was hurt too. After the trips, we talked and fixed things.

She often talked about our future home and moving together to another country. But when that became a real possibility about a year in, she panicked. She brought up our communication issues during her trips and said she needed time. I live in a tiny studio and needed a change, which added pressure.

I met her parents in September (briefly, not in her hometown), and some friends. It went well. She met my family earlier that summer.

In late September, I had housing problems that stressed me out. She was caring, but I felt alone in dealing with it. During a phone conversation, I said I felt disconnected. She took it very badly and decided not to introduce me to friends who were visiting that weekend. I felt deeply rejected.

Later, when she tried to reconnect (again with lots of “I miss you” texts), I was cold and distant. Eventually we met to talk. She thought I was leaving her. I explained how rejected I felt. She said she had doubts about us and maybe it was for the best — but we both cried and agreed to try again.

At the end of October, she wrote me a letter expressing deep love, gratitude for our memories, and saying she needed me and wanted to be with me.

In November, she got a Europe-wide job that allowed her to move anywhere. She told friends and family that now we could move wherever we wanted.

However, whenever I mentioned how exhausting commuting between our homes was, or that living together would be easier, she expressed doubts and said she didn’t see us living together. She said my work stress and negativity made her unsure.

She started mentioning again travel plans and home visits with friends and family for 2026, but failed to show she wanted to plan with me.

Before Christmas, I traveled near her hometown and finally met her friends and family. It was stressful — little time alone, and she didn’t protect me when her friends spoke German for long periods. She cried afterwards.

We spent Christmas apart but stayed in close, sweet contact. We spent New Year’s together.

The breakup:

In early January, we had another conversation about living together. She said she didn’t see it happening.

A week later, I was shortlisted for an apartment that would fit both of us. I spoke about it in singular terms. The next day, she told me she had strong doubts, that it felt like a “no,” and that she wanted to move back to Germany, not anywhere else.

We went through our issues (which honestly weren’t many) and found solutions, but she said the relationship had taken her energy. She said she loved me, that it might be her fear of commitment, and that she felt pressured by the living situation.

I asked if it was worth losing someone you love over fixable problems. She didn’t know.

I decided to take my things from her place. She wanted to delay it or stay lightly in touch — I said no. I asked her to contact me only if she opened the door again. We hugged, kissed, said “I love you,” and let go.

Two days later, she sent a long message reaffirming her decision, saying she felt misunderstood and pressured, but also that she wanted to hear from me whenever.

I replied with love, gratitude, and respect for her decision. She replied politely. It’s been a week of no contact.

I am completely broken. I can’t stop crying. I want her back. Is this all over? Is there a way? Please I’d love to hear your experiences