AITAH for resenting financially supporting my MIL when it’s destroying our future?

I’m 33, my spouse is 39, and we’ve been married for almost two years. From the very beginning of our marriage, MIL, a foreigner to my country, has been financially dependent on her adult children, including us.

At this point, I want to be clear: MIL is in her 60s, and I do not expect her to start working now. At this stage of life, that wouldn’t be realistic or humane.

To clarify something that was misunderstood when I shared a similar issue before: MIL is not a refugee. She is not trapped with nowhere to go. She has siblings in her home country who live independently, and returning there is a real option — it’s simply not what she wants to choose.

What I struggle with is how we ever got here.

MIL is healthy, physically capable, and even has an associate degree. She worked in the past but stopped once her children became financially stable, seemingly assuming they would fully support her long-term. There was no retirement plan, no savings, and no discussion of future independence — just a quiet expectation that her children would take over everything.

This is especially difficult for me because my own mother worked under extremely demanding conditions until retirement and never assumed her children would financially carry her. This is not fair to my own mother.

Every month, my spouse and I contribute a fixed amount that covers almost every aspect of MIL’s life, including:

•	Rent

•	Utilities (electricity, water, internet)

•	Groceries and daily food

•	Phone bills

•	Transportation

•	Health insurance

•	Visa and residency-related costs

•	Renewal and paperwork fees

•	A regular personal allowance

On top of these basic living expenses, we’re also expected to cover non-essential requests, such as:

•	Clothes and shoes

•	Bags and accessories

•	Household items

•	Electronics or appliances

•	Exercise equipment 

These aren’t rare emergencies — they’re ongoing expectations. Saying no usually leads to guilt, pressure, or tension.

During holidays and special occasions, MIL openly lists what she wants as gifts, sometimes expensive items, with the assumption that her adult children will collectively provide them. She has even done this in front of my own mother, which I find deeply inappropriate and humiliating.

She currently remains in the country through a family-visa related arrangement. She will never be a citizen due to my country’s strict policy.

All siblings contribute financially. The problem isn’t fairness between siblings — it’s that there is no limit, no end date, and no long-term plan. The expectation seems to be that this support will continue indefinitely, regardless of how it affects our lives.

My spouse and I are struggling financially. We live paycheck to paycheck, have debt, and can’t save. We can’t buy a house. When I calculated how much we’ve contributed so far, I realized that even half of that amount could have significantly changed our financial situation. That realization was devastating.

This situation has also started to affect how I see my future. I love my spouse deeply, and the thought of losing this marriage breaks my heart. I genuinely believe I may never find someone as loving and supportive again.

But we want children, and I cannot imagine bringing a child into a family system where we’re already financially drowning and have no control over our own resources. I don’t see a stable future under these conditions. Even though our financial situation could improve in the future, I would prefer to invest the money we currently give MIL into a fund for our future child.

I don’t hate MIL, and I don’t want her to suffer. But I’m overwhelmed by the resentment that comes from realizing she never planned for her own future and instead handed that responsibility entirely to her children — without considering the cost to their marriages, finances, or mental health. She is taking advantage of everyone’s hard work and it doesn’t even seem to bother her.

My spouse understands my pain but feels stuck because other family members refuse to change anything. I feel trapped between protecting my marriage and protecting my future.

AITA for struggling with the idea that I might have to end my marriage because supporting MIL has become overwhelming, even though I love my spouse deeply?