Online relationship ended

It’s been 3 days since I decided to leave, it was a short period 4 months of an online long distance relationship,

Nothing was normal about it, I was open, he didn’t share anything about himself, and weirdly I fell for him. I didn’t even see him, but i thought he was charming.. intelligent, funny.. i always hoped that he’d give me more than crumbs and thought he’ll change, he promised to meet if he felt ready, i waited.

I talked to him everyday, there were so many red flags that I have ignored..

Not telling me anything about himself

We fought a lot over stupid things (it felt like he was doing it on purpose)

Accusing me of cheating

Gaslighting

Never apologizing for his mistakes

He made me cry so many times

And showed no softness when I told him that I’m sad.

He was always pushing me away.

I’m the one who’s keep coming back.. it was like honey mixed with poison.

It was bad. I know..

and I know for sure that I deserve better.

Finally I decided to just leave. But it’s difficult.. it’s like an addiction. I keep checking his X account. And I’m afraid I would slip back into this heart crushing cycle.

I keep myself busy.. drowning myself in work but still, I miss that stupid man.