I Lived My Funeral(Must read)

Hey friends, this side Mujahid. I don’t know how to start this because this isn’t something I thought about — it’s something my mind forced me to sit through. It was late at night. No noise. No distraction. Just me and my head. Thoughts weren’t racing; they were dissecting me. One by one. Calmly. Almost professionally. I’ve always been an overthinker, but that night felt different. It didn’t feel like anxiety. It felt like acceptance. Like my mind had already decided something and was just walking me through it. I don’t share my thoughts. Most of them don’t deserve daylight. Once they’re spoken, they stop being harmless. That night, one thought crossed that line. What if I die tonight? Not in a tragic way. No struggle. No last words. Just… absence. And what if that’s not the end? What if my body shuts down, but awareness doesn’t? What if I’m forced to watch my own body being handled like an object — cleaned, wrapped, moved — while people discuss logistics around it? Not grief. Logistics. What if I see how quickly my existence turns into a task? A responsibility. A process that needs to be completed so everyone else can move on. The unsettling part wasn’t imagining death. It was realizing how easily the world continues without me in it. I didn’t feel panic. I didn’t feel sadness. I felt… nothing. And that scared me more than dying ever could. Because when the idea of your own disappearance feels normal, you start wondering how long you’ve already been gone. That moment — that thought — is where this piece begins. “Mai mar kar bhi zinda raha.” It goes like ....... "Pichhli raat meri bhi aankh lagi, Agle din na mujhe subah dikhi. Laga — koi gehre sapne mein fasa hoon, Hosh aaya to dekha, jism se door pada hoon. Jism mera yun thanda hai pad gaya, Maano duniya ke raste pagal hai, mar gaya. Khuda ka khauf har pal hai sata raha, Gunah-e-kabeera, sagheera sabhi yaad dila raha. Kismat meri dekho, kis tarah badal gayi, Tauba ki khwahish thi, zindagi guzar gayi. . . . . . TO BE CONTINUED

When that thought finally left me, it didn’t leave me peaceful — it left me aware. Aware that death doesn’t ask for preparation. Aware that tauba has a deadline. And aware that the moment we think we still have time, time is already running out. I didn’t die that night. But I understood something worse — what if I had? That fear is why this piece exists. Mai mar kar bhi zinda raha.

This was only half the truth… if you want the rest, comment below