Sick of performative “allyship”

I’m so sick of how everyone loves to pretend they totally support and love lesbians…until it’s time to actually support and love us.

I feel like I’m always seeing people being all “yaas lesbians!! let’s go lesbians!!” But then when they encounter actual lesbians they either run away screaming or silently back away.

What made me want to make this post was an experience with a friend…she’s always very quick to throw out a “yesss lesbians are awesome” but really doesn’t seem to give a shit about us. She claims to want to see more lesbian representation, but when I suggest things to her she kinda just disregards it. If I try to talk about lesbian ships, I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall and she’s clearly so disinterested. She seems disappointed and acts like I’m a buzzkill when I don’t want to thirst over ugly men with her.

But when I thought about it, I realised I see this all. The. Time. People say they support lesbian media, but then when they’re given one to watch they make a bunch of excuses for why they won’t watch it or they just ignore it. People say they support lesbians, but then get upset when we don’t hide our lack of attraction to men.

Bi women go on and on about “wlw solidarity!!!” But what they really mean is unending and unreciprocated support from lesbians. Because when it’s time for them to take accountability for the ways their community has harmed ours, suddenly we’re evil biphobic meanies for daring to bring it up. When it’s time for them to stop appropriating lesbianism, they choose to speak over lesbians and redefine our sexuality instead of listening to us.

The “queer” community will claim to support lesbians…but then when we ask them to stop calling us queer and to start calling us lesbians, they refuse to listen to us. When we say we are biologically incapable of being attracted to the male sex and to dicks, they throw tantrums and attack us with conversion rhetoric. When we ask for spaces of our own, they tell us we’re exclusionary bigots instead of listening to us about our needs as a minority group.

Straight women will claim to “love the gays” but then will act disgusted when they encounter a lesbian. God forbid their friend comes out as a lesbian. Straight and bi men will only support lesbians if they can get off to us.

It seems like nobody actually supports us. Maybe they fetishise us, or they appropriate us, or they tolerate us, but they never actually support us. As soon as we’re open about being homosexual, or as soon as we have our own thoughts and opinions and needs that don’t benefit them…they kick us aside.