[B/S] The Love They Couldn’t Bury Part 2 - Anna

I was in my ball the entire night. When the world becomes too much, I can’t help but become as small as possible and rock back and forth. It’s so childish, but it makes me feel warm and safe, like he does.

He’s so tall and broad shouldered. He could pick me up without trying and I would feel like the world could never hurt me again. If I even asked him to do that, my goodness. He’d probably stay away from me completely.

I’m so heavy too, at least twenty pounds heavier than the other girls, but he can still pick me up and hold me tight. He- It’s time for breakfast. Pull yourself together.

They’re talking about yesterday. At least Will is helping. They can tell we’re nervous, and he’s saying it’s because we’re nervous about school. I want to believe that. It’s time to go.

I grab my notebook and walk out the door. I can’t take it. I can’t. He’s walking in front of me thank goodness. No one can read his face but he can read everyone’s faces. Everyone can read my face, but sometimes I think I can’t read faces. I’m not sure. People look at me so they can get our secrets. What is he saying?

“Practice your breathing until we get there and remember to smile. If we look scared… rumors will start.”

“Right. Yes I’ll do that.”

Ok, good. I can do it. There’s Jack. He’s so great. Everyone sees the way I look at Will and only he doesn’t make fun of me. It’s hard to see him in the summer. He runs so much. Maybe that’s why he’s the second best runner in Texas. He’s going to do big things.

“Will, Anna, it’s so good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you too,” we said.

I have to stop talking when he does.

Jack laughed.

“What, do you share a voice box or something?”

Even he laughs, but he doesn’t want to be mean.

“We do it too much, don’t we?” Will said.

Will isn’t nervous, I think. It’s not fair. He always knows what I’m thinking and I never know what anyone is thinking. If he didn’t want to take care of me, I don’t know what I would do.

“Constantly. Will, are you come to track practice today?” Jack asked.

“It’s so embarrassing having to try out when they beg you to keep going.”

“Everyone has a dream Will. That’s mine.”

“Jack, we are going wherever you go, if we get in. I know you want UT Austin, and we want it too,” Will said.

“Both of you will get in. Maybe not scholarships, but it’s cheap anyway. This is going to be a good year for all of us. And Anna, band?”

“I haven’t practiced enough over the summer, but I’ll get in. I don’t want to be first chair. It’s less pressure.”

“I understand completely. What’s your first class?”

“Chemistry, with Mr. Woods,” we said.

“Biology, with Mrs. Evans,” Jack said.

“Great, we’ll see you at lunch.”

I like our high school. I remember it looked so bad when I was little, but they must’ve gotten money since it’s painted, the classrooms have everything they need, and the football field is perfect. I know how lucky I am. I walked past the school for the black students before. It’s falling apart.

My dad has a friend, Tom. His kids are just as smart as me, but they’re not allowed to learn. Maybe one day. When I have kids, I’ll make sure they’re nice to everyone. That’s the bell, it’s time for chemistry.

I sit down, put my backpack to the right, and get out my notebook and pens. They’re laughing because he did too.

“So, it’s you two again. Did you rehearse that?” one student asked.

I dropped my pen. One laugh and my hands turn to butter? I embarrassed him. He even has to pick it up for me.

“We… know each other well.”

His fingers. He strums them when he’s nervous. I made him nervous.

Mr. Woods is here. He’s the toughest teacher in school, but he doesn’t use his ruler. They always laugh before they get here since he doesn’t allow laughing in class. He calls it a distraction, which is what he hates the most. I lean closer to Will. It’s only a few inches, but it helps. Oh no, they’re laughing again.

“Is there a problem?” Mr. Woods asked.

“No, sir,” they all said.

Oh no, he’s going to call on me.

“Will and Anna, tell me about Gibbs' free energy.”

They’re laughing at us again.

“Quiet! I’m teaching!” he yelled. “Please continue Johnsons.”

Will is going to help. I think we know this. Mr. Woods is upset. Why is he upset? We’re explaining it. We have the right answer.

“Alright, that’s enough. Thank you both. Anyway… to continue…”

I need to apologize. Maybe I was too quiet or making myself too small. It’s after class now.

“I’m sorry for embarrassing you Will. I thought I knew what it was.”

“You didn’t embarrass me, but they’re upset because we knew when to switch turns. Just study. Take notes. It’s the only way.”

“Notes…”

“If you’re nervous, tap on the desk twice, and I’ll take over, but remember I’m nervous too.”

“Yes… we’re nervous.”

“Smile and breathe Anna.”

It’s helping. Breathing. It’s hard, but it helps. He’s smiling, so I must be doing well. I think he’s practicing too. The next few classes should be easier if I don’t talk.

It’s lunch now. That means it’s only the two of them. Jack helps me learn to talk so I’m not shy. He’s so considerate.

Wait. Why is Mary here? She’s so pretty. Even if I was taller and thinner than her, I wouldn’t be pretty enough for h-.

She’s nice, that’s what counts. She doesn’t bully me. I don’t know if she wants to be friends, but she likes me. I don’t think she’s as smart as Will is, but she doesn’t have to be. She’s pretty and happy. He likes that.

“Will, Anna, that was a beautiful sermon you gave yesterday.”

“It’s all going by so fast, isn’t it Mary?” Will said. I remember when we were freshmen and we thought that this would never end. Now that it’s our last year, we look back and think ourselves fools.”

“That is so true Will,” she replied.

“Sit with us,” Will said. “We’re just discussing what we’re doing this year. Didn’t you do choir last year? I hope I didn’t get it mixed up.”

“Yes, I did, and I’m trying out again.”

I have to say something. Choir.

“Great. Your voice is so beautiful.”

I’m jealous of her voice too.

“You probably have Mr. Peterson for history again. Did you have his class this morning?” Will asked.

“And still as strange as always. If we didn’t remind him, he would forget our names,” Mary replied.

I’d rather be forgotten than laughed at, I think.

“When’s your next choir practice?” Jack asked.

“Tomorrow. I’m so excited!”

“Maybe the three of us could come to one of your choir practices, and then you could come to band and track?” Will asked.

Be strong Anna.

“We… we should… we should do that.”

My face gives everything away. It always does.

“We can walk home after track practice today. Anna, Jack, and I will drop you off, and then we’ll go back to our place.”

“You three go without me,” Jack said. “I’m going to keep running after practice, and I don’t want to keep you waiting.”

She’s looking at me. She doesn’t want me there so she can be alone with Will. It makes sense. He likes her, I think. I know I do, but not in the same way.

I don’t want to be in these classes. His practice is soon. I need to know if he’ll make it. He’ll make it. That’s the bell. I should go. I wish he would take my arm.

I get out of class. They’re laughing at me. They see me almost reaching for him. It’s track practice now. Oh he’s lining up!

Yes! He said he had to come in fifth or more and he did.

Yes!

Why is Mary looking at me like that? I’m looking at her like that too. I should talk about choir with her. She likes that.

It was time to go before I knew it. I don’t know what to talk about now.

“Thank you two for walking me home. It’s been so long since we talked.”

“Yes, why is that?” Will asked. “It’s such a small town.”

I have to say something.

“Maybe we’ve been studying.”

They’re talking. Good. I can’t talk to him right now. He’s so tall, six foot one. I can’t keep looking at his forearms. I think he’s glancing at me.

He tripped. I have to catch him. His hand. I’m holding his hand. Fire. Warmth. It’s like electricity. It’s perfect. We’re perfect.

Mary…