Masturbated to porn after I promised myself not to.

I made a deal with myself to not use porn to masturbate. I figured I could go more than 30 days without it, but I started seeing a woman who makes me horny, but it’s nearly impossible to maintain an erection without porn.

Anywho, we were messing around last night and I just could NOT get hard. I got home, found some porn, a bottle of lotion, and rubbed one out til I came. I feel horrible. I wish there was a way to find a doctor who could help me. Tadalafil is inadequate.

Backstory: Erections have always been difficult and I HATE myself for not being able to get hard just looking at women; I always HAVE to play with myself.

I came out of a 12 year marriage (3 years no PiV sex) with a porn addiction. I hate porn but it allows me to get off.