I am currently 20M, but I’ve noticed a pattern in my dating behavior that has been consistent since I was 14. I’m looking for an adult perspective on why I tend to lose interest once a relationship becomes stable.

I’ve noticed a frustrating pattern in my dating life that started when I was 14, and I’m looking for some insight into why I do this.

My First Relationship (Age 14, lasted \~6 months):

My first girlfriend \[14F\] was perfect, she was smart, cute, and actually understood me. I \[14M\] broke up with her because I didn't want to be a distraction during her National Exams. I haven't seen her in 6 years, but I still think about her. I found her Instagram, but it’s a ghost town.

The "Card Game" Girl (Age 15):

When I was 15, I played a card game with a group of girls. I ended up beating this one girl \[15F\] 1v1 constantly. She was known for never talking to boys (you could say she was a "sigma girl"), but the next day she was suddenly "all over me" and my whole class was confused. We were together for about a month, but then COVID happened and we lost contact.

The Ongoing Pattern (Ages 16–17):

Since then, my relationships rarely last more than 3–4 months.

• At 16: I dated two girls \[16F and 17F\]. With the older girl \[17F\], we were good for a few months, but then I just started losing interest for no reason.

• At 17: I dated three different girls:

• Relationship 1 (17F): She thought I was in love with her; I didn't know how to reply, so it just ended (duration: 4 months).

• Relationship 2 (17F): She wrote a note in my notebook saying she’d liked me for a while and left her number. We had fun, but then I stopped putting in effort until it fizzled out (duration: 4 months).

• Relationship 3 (16F): She reminded me of my first GF; we broke up quickly (duration: 3 months).

The Problem:

I \[20M\] always follow the same cycle: I’m cool during the "chase," but once the relationship is stable, I feel something weird—like I'm bored. I don't "ghost" them because we are in the same school; I’ll still say "hi," but I become way less chatty and stop the deep conversations. Eventually, they get the hint and we stop talking.

Why is this happening? Am I subconsciously comparing everyone to my first girlfriend, or do I just like the chase more than the actual relationship?

TL;DR: Since breaking up with my "perfect" first girlfriend at 14 for "her own good," I’ve entered a cycle where I date girls for 3–4 months, feel bored/weird, and then become "less chatty" until the relationship dies. I want to know if I'm stuck on my ex or if I’m just addicted to the pursuit.