I did my tax. It took 11 + 5 years.

So tied up with shame and self disgust and disappointment, I could not bring myself to do my tax. Which led to me putting it off, and then it was too hard, and then… here we are.

It wasn’t complexity that put me off, as I worked in finance reconciling multimillion dollar daily balances down to the exact cent.

It wasn’t reward, as I worked on fairly delivering commissions to sales staff within a highly fluid structure.

It wasn’t because I’d have to face the ridiculous tertiary debt for a degree I never finished.

It wasn’t even the fear of imprisonment for not submitting tax on time.

I submitted my returns through an accountant, and for each year overdue I pretty much received a positive tax return, which equaled the fine for late submission.

Over 11 years I got back $300 dollars. Maybe 11 emails, and a tiny bit of documentation to submit.

*epiphany klaxon*

In hindsight now, I felt like a fraud and thought did not deserve to receive a tax return, because I couldn’t cope with everyday things and so I was a complete burden and did not make society better by my existence.

The next time I did my tax I only took 5 years to summon the courage. I got back $313.

I then had my ADHD assessment, and volunteered this train of thought to the psych. They told me this was common. I can’t say I felt relief, just overwhelmed that others suffered too.

I’m now looking at annual tax submissions, on time.

The self disgust chorus is still insidious, but just a little quieter. My accountant makes this annual chore so much easier.

In the end, I really wish the tax office was more accommodating and supportive of folk with ADHD.

We really suffer doing this every year.