Struggling with intimacy

I’ve really been struggling with intimacy. I’ve had a couple guys have been interested but i always rejected them. They first few were at times where my eczema was pretty mínimal and maybe unnoticeable. The guys realized later but it didn’t matter. But i still rejected them bc i was inexperienced, i was like 17 and i didn’t expect them to like me so i wasnt really ready. I didn’t really like them enough anyways bc I wanted to wait for a good perosn to be my first.

Then at 21 i met this amazing guy, and he liked me but I was at my lowest!!!! I had a huge flare up in 2021 and it never went and my has been bad for years. This was 2023 I looked terrible, had gained weight, not been exercising and eating right. I was depressed. But literally fell in love with this guy. But I pushed him away so much bc I was so embarrassed even though he still accepted me.

But I don’t think he knew the extent to which it was as I was always covered except for my face. I had marks on my tummy my chest was irritated. I tried for two years to wait but it never went So I left him in the end bc I couldn’t let him see me like that it was so bad. It was the hardest thing ever

So I still haven’t gone all the way It’s interesting how most guys don’t notice at all

I feel pretty insecure these days Idk how to feel comfortable with someone when I’m flaring and even hide is from friends sometimes

Idk how to change and be comfortable with intimate stuff like that… sigh

I feel a bit like burden bc I started to think why would a person be with if they could have a girl that’s healthy with good skin

I never used to worry until this huge flare up that changed my skin and confidence alot.