I Don't Have Pictures/Videos, and it Crushes Me

I've never been one to take lots of photos or videos in general, even though I keep telling myself I need to. So I'm even more sad that even though I had a few years knowing my mom might not be with me for much longer, I still didn't take photos/videos of her. I guess in my mind, I was scared that if I did take any photos/videos, that meant she would die. Because in my messed up reasoning, I would only be taking them out of necessity, not that I actually wanted to. She passed away earlier this month, and there's only about seven photos of her from 2025 on my camera roll (and three are in the same set of selfies). I'm absolutely gutted. And it's not even the past year, I just never take photos with family that much. In total, I probably have about 20 photos and around 5 videos of my mom from the past five years.

Looking back, I wish I had just taken more goddamn photos. Because I realize yes, living in the moment is good, and taking photos may seem "forced" at times, but they're still memories. I used to judge people who would take photos constantly, but now I wish that had been me. I don't have anything to look back on, just my memories. I spent my birthday with her, and the only evidence I have is a photo of the stupid sandwich we ate, not even the cake. It was heartbreaking trying to go through my photos to find a picture for her obituary, because I just didn't have any. I wanted to make my phone background a family photo, and the only one I had was from three years ago. It just sucks that I barely have anything to remember her.

So for anyone reading this, please take photos and videos of your loved ones. They can be anything. Candid from afar, selfies, short videos of them rambling about something you don't care about, just take them. Because you never realize how much you'll need those memories until they're gone.