Hopelessness returned and I’m making it worse

She left me for a reason. Now what am I supposed to do. I keep having this dream where I write everyone I know an individual letter including her. Then listening to music on a bridge getting drunk before tossing myself over waiting for her call. but it never comes. I text her today. One word answers. I just want a place that feels like home again. I was scared, broken, and confused. I didn’t know what I wanted then but I know now. I can’t stop looking at our pictures knowing I’ll never be able to make more ever again. My heartbeat won’t slow. I feel like passing out. She isn’t here to stop me this time. My safety net is gone.