anyways here’s my old-ish drawing of me (?) giving me a lobotomy

this here is lyle from the game look outside, which came out pretty recently in 2025. I heard about it in early-ish 2025 when I was scrolling on pinterest, trying to get ideas for character designs, and found some fan art of leigh. everyone there looks badass so it’s good I found out about it for creative reasons, but not really in an alterhuman sense.

I looked deeper into the trenches of pinterest and learned about lyle, which instantly caught my eye. I think maybe it was the blanket he carries around himself? I had a feeling I kinned someone who looked a bit like one of those shadow wizard dudes. like with the dark-coloured clothes and shadows covering their face with only their eyes visible. except not a wizard, instead a big photography nerd who I believe likes mazes and wizards (basically just evil DnD).

I learned more and it felt grossly familiar. the adjective “grossly” added because little buddy boy here has something that I feel uncomfortable talking about here ! it’s said that he was like this even before he became a weird spider/camera thing because of the visitor (this comically large alien dude that changes reality whenever you even glance at it, both physically and mentally. I’m pretty sure it didn’t mean to do any harm though.. methinks). this fixation of his isn’t really explained much other than this faint memory the protagonist here has but he doesn’t recognize lyle. but, despite that, I immediately thought up this basic outline was what could’ve happened, instantly popped into my head like a childhood memory. like I remember being FTM and all that (I think almost all my kins are trans. at least I didn’t remember being MTF, that would’ve made me feel very overwhelmed, trying to figure out how some AFAB dude such as myself would be part transfem. maybe I’m not woke enough..,,..)

a few months ago I had this one cameo shift (I think thats the term) of him and it was absolutely AWFUL. it lasted about two or three days and I felt absolutely disgusted for everything. I literally could not stop thinking about HIM. auuugh I feel my skin crawl thinking about it. but luckily, there was another guy on this subreddit who also kins lyle. he recognized how I was feeling and gave me some advice and comfort. I haven’t seen him here in a while nor do I remember his username but thank you other lyle, you’re very sweet. I couldn’t really stop the thoughts so like. I pretended I kinfirmed hellen instead of lyle so I could feel less.. eugh gross ew. I chose hellen as my fake kin as I somewhat related to the way she talks. a lot of the time, with strangers, I have a pretty monotone voice. I think.

there’s also a lot of lyle doubles I’ve found which is badass. like literally very other fictionkin I’ve found that has a kin from look outside kins lyle. it’s kind of like jax from TADC.

also, the most embarrassing part….,,.,. I actually haven’t played the game yet. In fact I don’t even have it installed on my computer. I think along with lying about hellen, I pretended I played the game yet I can’t really name many levels. as annoying people on tiktok would say, I am a newgen, or something I don’t fucking know. it was honestly the same with off for a bit, I learned about it in roughly 2021 when my brother showed me the song pepper steak because he found it cool. in 2024 I remembered the game again from a youtube video I was recommended. I watched it over and over, because I knew I felt an instant connection to the batter (who’s one of my ID’s, and also my first kinfirm, except for maybe one of my OC’s but thats another story.) the game was originally released in french, and I couldn’t really play the game because all the downloads I could find were all in french. I just kept on watching gameplay videos instead until I could find an english version of the game. when I was young I was trying to learn french in school (as I’m canadian) but I honestly remember nothing. my teacher was sweet but she would always talk in french and my underdeveloped eight year old brain couldn’t comprehend it. also, look outside takes place in quebec, so now I have two (or one…) sources with a french language somewhere in it (look outside is originally english but who cares dude it’s quebec)

also, I wouldn’t mind kinning lyle if it weren’t for the fact he’s a bit of a creep.

I highkey don’t want to kinfirm lyle