To anyone who just got dumped

I was where you are now 7 months ago. It's incredibly painful but don't underestimate the toll it will take on you both mentally and physically.

It tore me to pieces when she left and the mental decline was rapid. I felt I had no purpose, nothing to keep me going, nothing to make me stay. I'm not saying you will get to the same point I did, where you find yourself checked into the emergency room psych ward, but don't underestimate how much harder it will be to function. Allow yourself to be upset, it's okay to fill your time with work, hobbies, or quality time with loved ones but at the end of the day you need to give yourself space to just feel everything. Nothing will hurt more than when you lay alone in bed and break out in sobs but feeling every ounce of that hurt is more productive than bottling it up and pretending it doesn't exist.

What you won't expect is the changes that happen physically. In my case for the first 3 months after she left I felt random pain in my chest almost as if I could quite literally feel my heart breaking and slowing trying to repair itself over and over again. What a lot of people experience is a weakened immune system. The first time you catch a cold after a breakup will have you feeling like a victorian child who contracted tuberculosis and is on their death bed. Emotional pain and mental struggles are often accompanied by physical symptoms. You may feel much more tired than usual, you might have a bigger appetite, or lose your appetite all together. I lost 20 pounds within a month because I stopped eating. It truly felt like my body was shutting down but dispite that I still wasn't hungry. Which leads me to my next nugget of wisdom and inspiration.

It will get a lot harder to take care of yourself. Finding the motivation to do mundane things like basic self care or maintaining a clean environment will be next to impossible. Just do the best you can each day and if your best is getting out of bed to shower for the first time in 3 days, I'd say that's a win because it's better than the alternative of giving up and succumbing to the grief. Learning to take the small victories will allow you to give yourself some grace. You're experiencing grief and loss and you need to treat it as such. It's painful and nobody including yourself should expect you be 100%. It will take time to feel okay again and don't try to rush it.

What nobody tells you about healing is that time won't fix everything. You need to put in the effort every day for quite a while to feel like yourself again. Putting in the effort means taking care of yourself but it also means doing things to better your situation. Lean on your loved ones for support and guidance. Reach out and ask for help when you need it because you will absolutely need it. Whether that means a board game night with your family or having some drinks with a friend, fill the hole your ex left behind with memories youll make with the people who chose to stay in your life. Connection can go a long way in the healing process so don't take those around you for granted. Making new connections doesn't hurt either. Make some new friends, join a club at your school, attend community gatherings in your town, go to coffee shops or a park and strike up a conversation with a stranger. Connections both big and small can go a long way so use that to help yourself.