My life is a mess because of a dog my dad adopted without my approval: My dad’s inconsiderate treatment towards me for the past 2 years

Tw: mention of dog loss; pet grief; mention of self harm and suicidal ideation

I, (F20) have hit my breaking point with my father, and the dog he forced the responsibility of onto me. I didn’t ask to adopt this dog. He never ran it by me until he made the decision on his own to get her. Since getting this dog, things have went downhill in my life even though it is just beginning. I am extremely embarrassed of how my life is going. It is eating me alive. This venting starts from 2 years ago up until now, so it is a very long read.

My childhood dog, ladybug, passed 2 years ago of old age. I was 18 years old when she passed. I had her since I was 7. I had bad anxiety as a kid and she was always gentle with me, she would sleep in my bed if I was scared of something. She never jumped, never tried to run away, never destroyed anything, she bit me once when she was a pup but she was so traumatized by my screaming that she never bit anyone ever again. She was the best girl. Losing her was extremely hard for everyone in the family including my dad.

He started talking about getting another dog, like a week after her euthanasia, I said we should probably wait a few months at least so everybody could process the loss of ladybug. One night, (days after this conversation I had with him) I was having a girls night with my friends at one of their houses, my dad texted me a pic of a puppy, same breed as ladybug (Labrador retriever) except this one was a different color. He said, “meet our new member of the family.” He had found somebody downstate who had a litter and picked one out with my younger brother while I wasn’t home. I was in disbelief.

Fast forward 2 weeks, I had to have a minor surgery and needed to travel downstate for it. My dad and I went to my surgery and after I was discharged, we went to go pick up the puppy. This was exactly one month after ladybug was euthanized. I was so sad when we got home, I just cried. I felt resentful towards the puppy. I didn’t even want to look at her. I just lost my childhood dog, and I was not in the mood to help train a puppy.

My dad has always worked 3rd shift so he’s away all night and sleeps most of the day. My younger brother had school all day long. I had graduated a year prior and wasn’t attending college, So I was forced to be responsible for watching the dog while working opening shifts on top of that. I had to stay up with her when I was dragging ass tired, had to clean her accidents, and try and prevent her from destroying our house. My brother, would get home from school and get on his video game, I’d ask him could you please watch the puppy, he’d always say I’m too tired. Mind you he picked out the dog. I’d go to bed early and wake up to get ready for work and find pee everywhere, sometimes ripped up cardboard, trash because she would get into everything while my brother was ignoring her. I started getting worried about her not being cared for. I didn’t even like her, but I knew my dad would be mad if he saw that. So, I started being her “babysitter”

Months later, I lost my job. My dad’s car broke down, and he wouldn’t get it fixed or get a new one (probably because all of his money went to that damn dog) and he can’t finance one because his credit is so low. So my vehicle was used for everyone else in the house. I kept having to leave work or I would show up late due to this and my boss wasn’t happy with it, so naturally I was let go. My boyfriend moved in with us after to help me financially. I was now fully responsible for the dog for 12-18 hours a day. She was at the age to start training. My dad really didn’t do crap to teach her anything useful because he thought her acting out was funny and cute. This dog also wasn’t from a reputable breeder so her temperament was a wildcard. Turns out she was very stubborn. I had never trained a dog before, only cats, but cats don’t really need to be trained, they’re just taught basic manners. So I tried my best, and remember, I really don’t like this dog. I hardly showed her affection, because I felt guilt if I did. I would only play with her because that just made her tired and then she would sleep more.

She kind of understood what I was teaching her, but my dad was teaching her the wrong way and she listened to him more than me. I tried untraining the bad behavior, but she just got confused. He taught her to jump to give him “hugs” this dog is 50lbs at this point and still growing, so that would piss me off when the dog would jump into me. He also taught her to bark by getting her hyper. So she would start jumping and barking. That was also obnoxious. He sat her in his lap while driving when she was still small, so naturally she wanted to be up front on top of me while I drove. She was too big for that and it was nearly impossible to untrain. He let her run to the neighbors house because they thought she was so cute when she was small and when she got bigger, she started tackling my neighbor who is older and I was so embarrassed. I eventually just gave up and told my dad she is too much for me. He didn’t like when I told him that.

Now, she is 2 years old. I’m 20 years old, I still haven’t been able to go back to work because I live in a rural area and had my car basically taken because my dad has to work. Public transportation is virtually nonexistent here. I still have to watch the dog. I don’t like having people over because she jumps on them. I dread having to take her outside because she runs away to the neighbor still. She chases people who walk down the street no matter what I do. This is very embarrassing for me. She terrorizes my cats and tries to aggressively bite them. She gets into my cat’s food. I really don’t like this dog. I want to add that my dad also has a cat that he never pays attention to after getting the dog, the cat got concerningly depressed after we brought her home, he stopped playing with his toys, sometimes refused food, slept for 20 hours a day, and I had to bring him to the vet because of it. He really hasn’t been the same since. I think he feels abandoned and jealous. I try to give him extra attention for the lacking of attention from my dad, but I have my own cat, so it’s hard to divide my attention evenly to their liking. All while having to watch this dog on top of that.

So, getting this dog has made me never want another dog again. I used to like dogs, but ever since this, I really don’t. It’s really not the dog’s fault. I understand that. I’m just angry that I wasn’t considered in making that decision. I’m angry because I feel like I wasn’t able to process the loss of ladybug properly. I have sobbed for hours at a time when the new dog acts out and I’d think to myself, ‘ladybug would have never done this.’ I’d kiss her bag of ashes, clutching it in my arms sobbing. I still cry for her to this day. I feel immense guilt for even having this new dog, because it felt like I was indirectly replacing lady. I feel differently about my dad. I think of him as ignorant and selfish now. I don’t like asking him for help anymore because when I’d ask for help with the dog, he’d just get annoyed and mad that I was interrupting him. I still feel like it’s his fault that I’ve been unemployed for nearly 2 years. He still hasn’t gotten a new vehicle, so my car is still his main transportation. He has since put dents in it and also abandoned it when my alternator died on the way home, so my boyfriend had to make arrangements to get it towed to my mechanic. My boyfriend also pays for repairs on the vehicle since I don’t have an income. My dad has only paid for one tire when we had to replace them. That’s the only time he paid for a repair on my vehicle. I’ve been searching for employment for 18 months now, and have found nothing. Employers don’t like it when you don’t have reliable transportation. I’m hopeful there’s something out there for me, so my boyfriend and I can take my car, my cat, and ourselves out of this household. I’ve hit many breaking points these last 2 years. I almost killed myself at one point. I need to get out of here. But it feels impossible. My brother is a senior in high school this year, he’ll be graduating in June. The only real reason I have stayed is so he can finish school. We reside outside of the school district he attends, so his only way to school is my car. He’s not allowed to ride the bus because he’s outside of the school district. Once he graduates, I’m taking everything back from my dad. I’m going back to work, and I’m getting the heck out. I can’t stand that dog any longer, I can’t stand my dad’s disregard for my future any more.

If you have read all of this, thank you. I just need someone to tell this to, since my other relatives really can’t help me, because they live hundreds of miles away. They also do not like dealing with my dad’s behavior, which I don’t blame them. My mother is an alcoholic and has also treated me terribly my whole life, and we’re not on the best of terms for me to move in with her. I’m remaining hopeful, although I have chronic depression and some sort of undiagnosed mood disorder and have had it since early adolescence. I was hospitalized for it at one point. There have been times where I’ve harmed myself these past couple years due to this situation. I have history of self harm and suicidal ideations. I’m doing my best to keep it under control without professional help as I can’t afford it. I’m extremely embarrassed that my life is like this. I should be figuring myself out, not having to parent my own parent. I self medicate to cope with this mental turmoil, not necessarily in a negative way, but definitely not positive either. I’m essentially numb to all of this. My boyfriend is very supportive of me. We have been together through all of this. We’ve had fights over this of course, but he hasn’t given up on me. He’s really my only sense on normalcy right now. If you have had to deal with emotionally immature parents as a young adult, my heart goes out to you. We don’t deserve to have grown up like this and continue to deal with that into adulthood. So again, thank you for reading. Best wishes to you all.