I didn’t love you soon enough.

If I would have known sooner of your prescence God, would I still have a relationship with my parents? If I would’ve worshipped you and given you all of the glory before my inevitable demise, would you have given me love from the most beautiful woman that I met, that I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with?

Or would it all decay anyway? Would it all end up the same whether or not I loved you as my only? I worship you now but in my mind I feel as if I was too late. I wasn’t saved in time, I wasn’t meant to be loved the way you love me.

Days like these leave me questioning whether or not I should even exist in the first place, but I kept my trust in you. I feel like I failed you before I got to know you. Does that condemn me? I want to know you but I fear you’d reject me. Nothing else appeals to me, and I reject myself before I know me, too.

Maybe if I would have known you sooner, I wouldn’t be calling upon your name in question, feeling hopeless about my existence. I love you, and I know you’ve always loved me, but I must say I’m sorry for not loving you sooner when I had the chance.