Is he a red flag?

Recently I’ve been talking to a guy named Tom (M17). He’s a nice guy and we‘ve been talking for a fair amount of months.

(2 of my newer friends had talked to him and then he stopped and made up rumours about them such as “she wants to lick me” and “she’s so obsessed look at this” and shows their messages and emails)

At the time we started talking, I was fresh out of a relationship. My relationship that ended, we were dating for 3 years, but liked each other for 3 years before that. As you can tell it wasn’t an easy breakup.

Tom and I then started talking a few months after my break and reassured me it was only as friends. Things changed and we ended up liking each other. I was still sad about my breakup though and he knew that so he didn’t ask me out, which I’m really grateful for.

We’d call, text, sometimes even hang out outside of school for hours and hours. I never knew someone could make me feel so seen and validated. He made me feel like me and I felt safe with him.

This is when everyone at school (the year 11’s) would tease us about each other. It wasn’t bad because we both liked each other so we ignored it.

One random morning he send me a text, this is word for word, him saying “i think we should stop messaging each-other, first i don’t want my friends to be constantly annoying you because of this and i don’t think its fair because ur getting embarrassed and stuff because of the weird stuff my friends do”.

I didn’t know whether to hate him, cry, be happy, relieved. We weren’t even dating but it felt like we broke up. I did appreciate him looking out for me, it was nice and not many people do look out for me. But it felt like I was ripping out apart of me, one that made me feel seen and safe. I know he didn’t intend to hurt me but it still hurts.

Now this is where things get interesting. When everyone found out we stopped talking, all the guys were saying “noo” and things along the lines of that. The audacity Tom had, he blamed me for “dropping” him. Where the heck did he get that from!?

Whats worse, we weren’t in a relationship, and he made me feel good about myself compared to how I felt with my old relationship. This is why all this news, I didn’t know how to feel.

All the guys now thing I’m broken, not ok mentally, and rude because I supposedly dropped him. What’s worse is that I’ve always gotten a few rude comments about my acne. Even Tom knew and he helped me with it. It’s like ever since he made up that lie, everyone’s been so rude and obnoxious towards me. I also refuse to say anything bad about him, let alone anyone else, so I don’t know what I did to deserve this.

A month or 2 later, word spread that he likes a girl named Millie. Millie is super pretty, she’s not prefect, but she’s really nice the majority of the time. It’s the fact though, she looks like me basically, but an upgrade. No acne, tanner, fairly popular, e.c.t. I didn’t know he likes Millie for a while, but Millie and I became closer over time during class. We’d talk, laugh, everything normal friends would do. Then, when I found out that Tom liked Millie, when Millie and I would hang out, he’d side eye me, look at me weird and even whisper something to his friends while looking at me with a subtle dirty look.

I felt and still feel betrayed. On his birthday I said happy birthday and asked what he got, because I still considered us friends for some reason. His texts, could you not, were dryer than the Sahara desert. “Happy birthday!” “thanks” “what did u get?” “games” “what type of games?” “ps” (play station for people who don’t know what ps stands for).

Then I found out his friends would “steal” his phone and look at our messages in the bathroom. I told him things even my closest friends don’t know.

Recently, in the year 12 2026 group chat for our school, he got added. He’s moved schools at this point, so I didn’t know why he was in here. Then this is where things got weird. This is how the group chat went (My name is Luna):

Chase: “Just kiss already”. Tom: “Nah, still stuck on some1”. Chelsea: “Who, Luna?”. Tom: “Damn is 😂”. Polly: “WHAT”. Tom: “How is nobody updated, I thought every1 knew”.

Keeping in mind, he either could be talking about Millie, or me (Luna). You may think, he’s definitely talking about you, but I had 1 message with one of my friends saying the last part (“how is nobody updated on this”), is about how does no one know he likes Millie.

I’m still baffled but he hasn’t messaged me since. Please help me, was he talking about me? Should I message him?