I don’t have any idea of Autism and I just don’t want to deal with it

I am a 37 dude and I only start learning about what the heck is Autism after watching the Sonic movie of Kennu, people around talking like Autism people love Sonic, then I took some long research about ASD. I watched the videos about what an Autistic kid was like, and very worrisome that it 99% matched my childhood and teenage years. Autism was norms described like some mental illness and very negative in our society and I just don’t want to get one more big problem into my life.

I was born with a rare genetic disorder that my sexual organs (balls) didn’t have a hormone like a switch telling them to make testosterone, the doctor suspected something was wrong that I was 18 and basically having zero secondary sexual change. I was in a Boys only school that everyone teasing me like a girl, even in Uni people giving me tampons everyone just laughed. They finally got the diagnosis right and start giving me life long hormone therapy around 24. It worked but I kinda hate it, I hate my voice, I hated my dick keep wetting my pants and bedsheet in the morning, more regret was like the Doc said the hormone therapy may fuck up my liver but if I don’t do it my bones would be like an old lady before I turned 30. This shit already plagued my whole life, and now this Autism shit?

It is not cure-able right? I had been stuck in an endless loop of making some friendship but easily nuked it into void just because people were sick about it when I tried to express myself. I am tired of making and developing relationships and tried to keep it merely in slightest level, those shit driven me into depression TWICE. I hate my appearance and my shit level ability to be a talkative person that basically I cannot speak a single sensible word unless it is related to a field that matched my interest or hobby. I am 37 and my teenage sexual development was robbed away by that fucking disorder and still got zero experience with a girl. Why the fuck I always enjoyed to be alone without exception even my parents and sibling? Why the fuck I felt uncomfortable sitting inside a group of chicchat that I was like an outsider I want to get away ASAP? I tried to evade this with Alcohol, but it just worked temporarily just maybe Ethanol tricked my brain.

I am tired of it.