Husband M26 and I F26 relocation conflict

*tl:dr am I justified in feeling like I’m not being considered as an equal partner here?*

My husband M26 and I F26 have been discussing relocating for a long time. He has a solid corporate job. I used to be a teacher, but this is my first year not teaching—I’ve been bartending/waitressing because we knew we might move and I didn’t want to start something serious just to quit in a few months.

Even now, we make similar money. I’m lucky to have a great hospitality job that pays well, but it’s clearly temporary. It’s not a long-term career path for me. His job, on the other hand, is legit and something he plans to stick with long-term.

He’s currently finishing an online certification that his job is paying for, and once he’s certified this summer, it should significantly boost his career. That boost will require him to switch positions, which will likely require us to move. We’ll have multiple location options.

I’m genuinely excited about moving and supporting him. We need to leave our hometown, and I know this move is primarily driven by his career. I’m okay with that and understand that he’ll likely be the primary breadwinner moving forward, so his job becomes the priority.

What I’m struggling with is that I already feel like I’ve put my career on pause while we wait to relocate. Then I’ll have to completely re-figure my career (outside of teaching), and on top of that, I don’t feel very considered in the decision-making.

We sat down and discussed possible places to move. Some of my “absolute no” locations are places he’d actually consider, and some of his “absolute no’s” are places I’d be open to. But I thought we patched this by finding a middle ground—places he liked and I could be flexible about without feeling miserable about the move.

Instead, he’s applying to my “absolute no’s” and not really to any of my first choices. It feels like he’s only considering where he wants to go. My top 5 places, he wouldn’t even think about applying to. But he’ll apply to his top 5—even if one of them is a place I’ve clearly and specifically said I’d hate living.

When he brings these places up, he frames it as “I want to move here because XYZ for my job,” but in a way that feels dismissive of both my preferences and my career.

He keeps saying things like, “I’m doing this so you can eventually stay home and be a mom,” without really acknowledging that I want a career too—I just haven’t figured out what that looks like yet.

I appreciate that he wants to financially support us, but when I say, “Why are you even applying there when we specifically said we wouldn’t consider that?” he tells me I’m being unsupportive and that I’ll never make the kind of money he might. He’s also said, “I’ll move there no matter what,” which honestly makes me feel like he’d go even if I didn’t follow.

I even told him that if it’s somewhere we originally said no to, but he tried to convince me in a way that made me feel heard and considered, I’d probably support the move. But right now, I don’t feel acknowledged at all, and it’s causing a lot of conflict.

One note to add is he has said before that if I could score a job that paid amazing (100k+) that he would let me pick the location, but anything less wouldn’t be enough. We have discussed me going to law school, and he’s also said that unless it was an Ivy League school, he wouldn’t let where I get in have an impact on our move. He’d expect me to go to a school based on the relocation that fits his new job first.

So… am I justified in feeling like I’m not being considered as an equal partner here?