Nostalgic Reminiscences

It’s odd. I don’t reach out or rely upon other’s input. And yet, I am here. Obviously, I want to be heard. But in this scenario, I feel stupid for wanting it.

My father was never a good person, he didn’t teach me how to be a good. He was angry, violent, deceitful and narcissistic. I saw these things while he was alive. I saw these things even when I was a young child.

And yet….. in the harder moments, I message a number that is long since dead and most likely repurposed to an innocent bystander.

And yet….

Cliche as it may be, I’ve found myself sending long thought out messages into a void. Not because of him, or who he was, but because of who he should have been. Because of who I will always be for my child that I always wanted for myself. Robert Wayne Ward…. I don’t know if rest in peace is appropriate but I hope, if he is somewhere, he is reflecting upon his actions.