Other intense emotions

Does anyone feel irritability and jealousy really strongly? I (26F) have realized now I think I just need to live alone for ever. I am always jealous of the roommates that I’ve had, they often bring their friends or partners over and I’m always reminded that I don’t have that. I struggle to keep intimate friends more than just “hey lets go out for dinner” and I never have long term partners. I wish that I was a normal person that was better adjusted instead of comparing myself to others, I don’t know why I’m just so in my head. I’m so awful in my inability and insecurity to be happy for others. I feel like I’m drowning all the time. I want to move back to my old city ASAP, I miss my old friends and family. Sorry to vent I know I sound like an awful person.