I wish my attempt had worked

I attempted in October, I thought It was getting better, I really did. But like every single time, it never does. It sounds so stupid for me to wish for this, I’m barely a teen. I don’t even have anything truly “wrong” in my life. I’m just a problem to my parents, I do to many extracurriculars and I feel like a gosh damn failure if I mess up. I keep relapsing with cutting. I despise how I look. I literally don’t even have a better reason, I just can’t do this crap I don’t deserve to be here

Sorry, I’m probably gonna delete this, I just needed to rant sorry