I feel like I'm one trauma away from breaking down

As the title says it, I've been feeling on edge for the past year or so

Here is a bit of info about me: I'm 24/M almost 25 soon enough I'm from Syria and during the genocide that happened recently I had to move out of the country a couple of months ago I missed out on getting my degree I had to live 28 days stuck outside my city when the genocide started where I couldn't get a single night of sleep cuz of my luck with roommates Before that I had to spend 2 months without electricity or internet which was also mentally tiring cuz I need those to work on myself as I'm a programmer and a digital artist I never managed to get a job even now Social life is a disaster where I mess up every friendship I have and always end up being the 3rd wheel Dating life kinda have been nonexistent after I got heart broken twice I'm kinda unsure about the entire dating thing I've gotten to the point where I get anxiety/panic attacks almost daily and sometimes multiple times a day, I overthink everything, everything scares me at this point and it's making me burnt out constantly I also need coffee and if I don't drink coffee then I'd easily sleep 15 hours and stay in bed for an extra 4 hours Nothing seems to make me happy, emotions just kinda don't exist except anxiety And I keep feeling like things will get worse and right now might be my only chance to actually fix my life but I feel paralyzed and too disconnected from reality that I procrastinate all day long Things gotten so bad that if I'm watching YouTube shorts and I know I should close them then I'd start panicking heavily till I forget that I should close YouTube shorts and end up wasting my day away Nothing feels like it's under my control

I just wanna sleep till the day I wake up without the daunting feeling of being anxious...

Getting a job in IT seems impossible without irl work experience, I was 2 months away from finishing university and now I don't think I can afford to do university in Jordan where I'm living currently

Childhood was really bad but I've forgotten about my childhood so I think it's irrelevant at this point

I should probably do something but I can't, I don't want to do anything, I know I should, I just can't, I'm not sure why I'm asking for support when I'm not gonna be able to follow any advice, I know you guys will have great advice that if I follow things will get better but I just can't bring myself to do anything...

I don't even know what I want, and right now I'm typing this while being calmer than usual

I need to cry but even if I try to cry I simply can't

I have to constantly put a mask in front of everyone online and irl to make them think that I've got things under control and that they shouldn't worry about anything but I'm just freaking out all the time, everything feels impossible

Hell at this point I don't know how to be my genuine self anymore, I'm just running on auto pilot