Loving You

Loving you would force me lay down the ego I've held in front of me as a sword and shield for all of my life. You strip me of my weapons, my pride, my need for masquerading as someone I'll never be, and that terrifies me, all other reasons aside.

Like acid you erode my need for strength and speed, you let me melt and tell me it's okay to breathe. I've never known how to be anything but strong, what happens if I lay it all down, and in the end we were always wrong?

Loving you would force me to face my mortality, the human nature I shove farther and farther down. It would force me to live longer than I ever wanted to, or ever believed I would; if I fall of my high horse now, I'd start to believe I could. What a terrifying prospect, I'd think as I laid on the ground, staring up at the sky while my tears were slipping down.

Indeed loving you would destroy the knight that I've become, reduce me to the maiden hiding behind your throne. I said that's what I wanted, and in many ways I do, but if I surrender my sword and dagger, who I am I under the glue? I mostly fear it'd tear me right in two.

Loving me would be the hardest thing you could do, so why are you standing at my door with that sheepish grin, stool in hand, ready to wait until I'm through all this mess I've made inside? You're a real pain, I love you too.

Z