How do I feel accepted into a community or a group of friends?

I am a 19-year-old male, and I have depression. I also struggle with feeling numb and not fitting into the situation that I am in. This sometimes turns from me being super communicative and then a switch goes off where I don't talk. I don't feel accepted by my college friends as I do by my friends back home. I don't know if this is a personal thing (probably is) because I have depression and I am lustful towards other women. Anyway, I am seeking advice on how to be accepted into a community where I don't feel accepted.

I am on a quest to be a better person and understand my surroundings because all I feel is being numb and not knowing what is going on around me. I am stuck in a deep tar pit, and I don't know how to get out. I just want people to like me and reach out instead of friends telling me that "everyone hates me," because even though that helps, it's still a slap in the face, in my opinion.

I feel numb, like I said, but my mind is cloudy a lot of the time. I talk to people, sure, but a lot of the time they don't reach out unless they have the need to reach out. Like yesterday i was interviewed for a Collegiate Symposium for an aviation fraternity at my university and the president and the VP of the club started to laugh and act unprofessionally. Then they denied me permission to go, which made me mad, of course.

Then they proceed to send me messages. One by one, I get messages from the E-Board saying they're sorry and that we were unprofessional, which, in hindsight, is very sweet, but I don't feel anything towards them. I feel numb and don't know. The laughter kind of killed me because it just brings that bar lower to the point i dont know if i can socialize without someone critizsing me.