I think I have bpd and i’m worried it’s turning me into my father

My dad was a drug addict with borderline personality disorder (bpd),and he was so horrible to me, and my mother. he constantly assaulted my mother, and I.

There would (very rarely) be times where it seemed he was so happy, but then once anything bad happened it led to extreme anger.

My dad was also narcissistic but it was just to hide his fragile sense of ego and self. His narcissism led him to steal from me and my mom all the time.

When I was younger, I saved my money for years and I ended up saving $700. I was saving for a gaming pc, and it started with my dad taking like 20$ here or there saying it was for cigarettes.

Me and my mom tried to hide my wallet from him so many times but eventually he took all of my money.

He did so more to me and my mom, but this post would be way too long if I mentioned everything. But I think I’m noticing a-lot of the same traits in myself.

It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it, but everyday I feel more and more like my dad.

I know I’m not like him, I have so much love for my mom, and my close family. But on multiple occasions, I have taken advantage of my moms grandpa and stepmom (we’ve lived with them for a few years).

because I felt like they have so much money, and it feels like they haven’t been helping me and my mom out as much anymore since we started living with them.

They used to pay for my moms car insurance, and just generally help her with finances because my grandpa has more than enough to help us out.

But once we moved in with them they just stopped helping her financially(they still have a ton of money), and it’s really hurt her savings. I know that doesn’t make what I did better.

another side effect is that I have huge outbursts with my mom, everyone in my family, my friends, and anyone in general over the smallest things.

And I get so hurtful, and mean with my mom, and other close family when I get like this. I also have times where I feel so happy and so much self confidence, then in an instant something ruins it and I suddenly hate myself.

My emotions are constantly changing, and I feel like I have all the risk factors and onset symptoms of bpd. I’m so scared of what I feel like I’m becoming, and I have no idea what to do.

I feel like me getting a bpd diagnosis (I already am diagnosed with despression, and adhd.)for me would crush my mom, because of how horrible my dad was to us.

I feel so much different from everyone, and sometimes it makes me feel like i’m a freak. I’m constantly struggling with my sense of identity, and I feel like I have no idea who I am.

I’m constantly trying not to explode on the ones closest to me. I’m so scared of losing the people I love most, yet at the same time I’ve cut so many people off over practically nothing.

I’m sorry I know this was extremely long and nobody will probably read it all the way out. But if you did, please I really need advice.

I’m so scared to tell my mom I think I have bpd, because I think it will destroy her(because of my dad). But I fear if I don’t try to get help for it now, then it will just get worse.