I have just realised my new GF of 4 months talks about her ex quite a bit... is this a problem? Am I missing something?
I (M30) have been with my GF (F30) for 4 months. So far, our relationship has only blossomed and continued to grow since out very first date. It's been incredible. We have said we love each other and all. There's just one thing
Her most recent ex dumped her roughly 11 months ago. So not that long ago in the scheme of things. And sometimes here are times it just feels like he is still very much around, or still in the emotional zone of hers. It's usually the frequency in which he comes up. I will admit, we are both quite deep and reflective thinkers, so earlier on in the relationship we discussed our past relationships and hardships of our breakups and how we got to where we are and the lessons, we learnt etc etc. So I will admit there are times I do ask, in order to learn more about her as a person and how I can be a better partner.
But it felt like one small question about a time in her life (not even to do with ex's), and she would talk about him and the breakup for like 20 minutes. Or i'd ask ger a reflective question to get to know her more deeply and it always seems to involve her ex and the breakup. It's the way she talks about it... All the things he did wrong and how hard it was her which I get, but its almost like she's bitching to a friend about it. Kinda feels like there was still some emotional weight there. Like she hadn't fully let go of what happened
Other times she will bring him up with no prompting, like how her political standpoints would cause them tension, or how conservative his family was. Recently we walked past a sky diving plane, and she said, Ive done that about 2 years ago. Oh yeah was it cool who with? She says her ex, and that he got it for her for Christmas. I guess im just a bit like oh yeah cool?? Nice to know your BF spent 500 bucks on you for Christmas...
One time when he had to pick something up of his (out of our control, but still) and again felt like he's still lingering, and more recently, I asked when they she last had contact with him. and she said he text her at Christmas but didn't know if she should tell me because it was literally a nothing text. And that she would have said if anything more came from it. She offered to show me the texts, but I declined.
Posted Jan 30, 2026, 5:20 AM UTC