Culinary school is exhausting

I'm supposed to write an essay about a food memory. A fucking food memory, with a recipe included and everything. For the life of me, I can't think of a single food memory that isn't depressing, gross, disturbing or otherwise reveals the depths of my disorder.

I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to write about food without losing my mind. Cooking food I can do, even if I have to work so hard to avoid tasting anything, because I get sucked into the process and it's about the creation not the calories. Writing about food????? Writing about food means I have to sit there and think about how a meal made me feel, which is never a good thing. It means stress induced, calorie obsessive, anxious thought spirals that lead to overexercise, severe restriction and crying under my blanket with a heated stuffed animal.

FUCK. I don't want to write about food. The only thing I know how to write about in relation to food is my anorexia and I really don't think I want my brand new chef to know that I'm scared of butter and animal fats