My 100th Day Observations Post

I’m mid-50’s sales manager with a decent sales career and a good income. No, I don’t make 300K a year but I don’t make 100K either. I’m what I’d call an introvert with the ability to perform as an extrovert for short bursts. Maybe if I hadn’t been born to a salesman father and a mother who had us on a drama stage at an early age, I might have been an engineer or something a little more … congruent with my nature? Not being a victim, just an observation.

Alcohol was a great way to be more extroverted and comfortable. I grew up feeling not good enough. Needing to please. Wanting others to like me. I’m sure it also stunted my growth and development since it was essentially a crutch to not do something hard. That observation is backed by a time in college where I discovered Jesus, committed myself to following him, became very pious and stopped drinking entirely. Not a shock that the purpose and focus I found, plus not drinking, resulted in me going from a C/D student to dean’s list.

Once the holier than thou wore off, drinking became social. As the years went on, it was great to end hard days with a few drinks (something I now recall my father doing most evenings). Meet and greet meetings at conferences were something I hated so drinking was the way I solved that. My first true drinking to blackout that I remember was at a conference where a friend and I went to a local nightclub to hear a band and he found me later on the sidewalk.

Life happened. Kids, new jobs, hard jobs, lost jobs, financial wrecks, family deaths, and so on. Drinking was always there as a release. Somewhere to hide from having to deal with hard things.

I’m not sure when the tipping point happened. Where the alcohol buzz was harder to achieve and so easily turned into sloppy drunk blackout behavior. Where the mornings after became a day of hangxiety than simple headaches. But I finally realized that drinking was taking so much more than it was giving. And that imbalance was increasing at an alarming rate.

100 days ago I was scared to quit. I believed life wouldn’t, couldn’t be enjoyable. I spent countless hours reading your posts. They were a lifeline. A promise that it gets better. That I was believing a lie. And you were right. I know think of not drinking as a superpower. As everyone around me numbs, I’m alert. Mornings are amazing. I do fewer obviously stupid things. I replaced my alcohol addiction with an exercise and nutrition habit (and I’m pissed that it took me this long because getting it shape in your 50’s is a hell of a lot harder than your 30’s). My “age acne” cleared up. So did the dark circles under my eyes. Without question, life is better. Hard in some ways but so much easier in others.

I believe some people can moderate and some can’t. It sucks but it’s true. That’s life and I’ve found, for me, it’s better this way.

Thanks to everyone on this sub who came before me. For those starting the journey, it’s worth it. IWNDWYT