Together 12 years married 8

When my wife and I got together we both had a high drive. After having kids hers is non existent. When we do have sex I do all of the work and it's more of a she just lets me get on with it situation. I'm talking me spending an hour being creative and ensuring she climaxes and has a good time and her permitting me to just have missionary sex until I'm done and that's it. Whenever I've tried to talk about it her opinion is she had my children, this changes women, this is how it is now and if I loved her and appreciated what she has done I will live with it. I give up and live with it for a while more then get fed up and the situation repeats. She also says it's about how she feels about herself and she doesn't feel sexy. I love her and am attracted to her and I tell her this often but she isn't happy with her body and nothing I can say or do will change that. Further more she makes no effort herself to make the changes she wants. I'm at a point now where I have given up I don't even bother trying to initiate which means it will just never happen because she never does. We are basically house mates raising kids and being passive aggressive to each other now. Can't talk to her about it because I just get made to feel bad about daring to have any needs.