how to deal with men’s expectations for physical appearance 24f, 24m ?

I am a fairly conventionally attractive, black woman. Growing up, this became a stressor for me because all people ever talked about was me being attractive. It got to a point where I realised most of the guys I’ve dated, dated me because they were attracted to me not because they liked me on the inside. I’ve met men who fell in love with women that werent their exact type and honestly started to desire meeting someone who liked me enough to be indifferent to my appearance.

In my experience, when men don’t find you attractive, they simply never comment on your appearance. When they do find you attractive, they’ll give you lots of compliments. However, I recently dated a guy for a month who I was confident was attracted me on the outside and inside, but it didn’t work out and I don’t know what to think anymore.

He treated me exactly how someone who is attracted to me would. For example, being comfortable physically, complimenting me and even the way he looked at me made it clear. On the day we split as we argued, he brought up that the way I dress and present myself had made him lose infatuation for me. Said something about how all I wore was jeans and I got my hair done after he went on holiday so he’d never see it? I was turned off by the comment but as time has passed I’m feeling quite hurt. I don’t really believe him but at the same time I feel exhausted romantically. Going from dating people who only like you on the outside to dating someone who doesn’t think you’re enough on outside has been a jarring experience.

I’m wondering what other people’s experiences are or how they navigate the more shallow aspects of dating men?