Anyone else feel stuck between Christianity and spirituality?

I’ve been sitting with this for a long time and I’m curious if anyone else feels the same way.

I do believe in Jesus Christ. I believe the story of a world full of chaos, violence, and spiritual confusion, and a prophet coming to show a different way, love, humility, and direct connection to God. That part resonates deeply with me. I believe there is one true Source, one God of all, and that real power comes directly from that Source but not idols, not intermediaries, not endless sacrifices.

When I look at ancient history, it makes sense to me why monotheism emerged. Why were humans sacrificing people and animals? Why worship dozens of deities when you can go straight to the Source itself? That shift feels intentional, spiritual, and necessary.

At the same time, I struggle with modern, colonized Christianity and the way the Bible is taught, interpreted, and enforced. Some things don’t sit right with me. Yet, I can’t dismiss the Bible either, because too many prophecies, patterns, and historical connections align. There’s too much there to ignore.

I believe in energy, God’s energy, Earth’s energy, and darker energy as well. I think people draw power from different sources, some from nature, some from darkness, some directly from God. Earth gives us life; it’s where our bodies and physical energy come from. Darkness exists, whether people want to acknowledge it or not. But I believe the highest, truest power comes from God alone.

I’m also someone who feels deeply connected to nature, the elements, astrology, and dimensions of reality beyond what we see. To me, interacting with nature, understanding cycles, constellations, and energy isn’t about “becoming God” it’s about understanding creation and becoming closer to Him.

So I feel caught in the middle.

I want the discipline, grounding, and truth of Christianity but I also feel called toward spiritual practices that involve nature, awareness, and energy. I don’t worship ancestors, but I do respect them. They’re part of my DNA. I wouldn’t exist without them. To me, honoring ancestors is like thanking people who came before you not worship.

Sometimes I think maybe it’s not either/or. Maybe it’s both as long as God remains the center and the Source.

I’m not looking to offend anyone or be told I’m “doing it wrong.” I’m genuinely curious:

Does anyone else feel like they live between these worlds?