AITAH for not wanting to be best friends with someone after their depressive episode?

Hello everyone, I need some advice because of a situation I have recently been going through.

(I will not be using anyone's real names!)

I (21F) have always been the kind of person who tries to put everyone else's needs before my own. Recently, my best friend (20F) and I haven't been hanging out due to our schedules and a small amount of tension between us. She had been asking to hang out a lot (asking day of), and I have been with my boyfriend or family every time she texted me. I figured the tension between us was caused because we haven't been able to hang out recently, and I have been spending a lot of time with my boyfriend and his family. Monday night, I got a text message from her asking if we could talk. My phone has been having issues where it doesn't notify me when I get a message. I am also not super attached to my phone, so I didn't see the message until Tuesday morning. I texted her back, asking when the best time to meet up was. She told me she could meet on Friday, but then asked if we could meet that night after 9:30 pm. I told her that was to late and that I had plans to meet with the nuns that came to visit from my hometown and the Bishop of our diocese came to visit as well (I'm catholic and my faith is extremely important to me. She is not catholic and is slowly growing in her faith. This kind of plays a role in things later).

A few years ago, I started to get back into my faith and take it seriously, so a lot of what I do every day is trying to grow in my faith and walk with others in their journey. I do this daily with discipleship and bible study with multiple gals. That Tuesday was a lot for me due to all the discipleship meetings I had with others. I am also a college student in my 4th year, so I had 2-3 hour classes I had to attend to as well. This day, I was running around so much that I didn't even have time to eat, which is a pretty big thing for me, as I have struggled with eating in the past. This isn't me trying to make myself look vulnerable, it's just to show how busy I was that day.

At around 4 pm that day, I got a message from my best friend's mom saying, "Can you check on Emma? She seems to be struggling and talking about depression. We are starting to wonder if it is a side effect of her new birth control she is on. I am genuinely concerned about her." I messaged back saying, "Yes, she sent me a message last night asking if we could talk. She said she's not free until Friday, so we plan to meet up then hopefully." After I got this message, I got concerned about my friend and decided to try to meet with her face-to-face, so I went to her part-time job (we both work there). She wasn't there, so I checked her location, and she was at a different job, one where I was not going to be able to talk to her.

After that, I decided to head back to the church since I promised the sisters that I would be there and I had already skipped adoration and mass with the Bishop to try to figure out what was going on, but before I left I got another message from my friends mom saying, "I really think you should check in on her if you have any free time. It would make my momma heart happy. Sometime is not right with her." I didn't respond, which is not great, I understand that, but I had set my phone down so I could drive and forgot to message her back. At this point, I thought about texting my friend that her mom had texted me, but I knew she would have gotten very upset because we were talking about this behind her back, so I decided to stay quiet. I also didn't realize the severity of what was being told to me. I have struggled with depression since I was about 8, but I have never been on medication for it. I have also never been on birth control, nor do I plan on it due to my personal beliefs, so I had no idea how much birth control messes with emotions.

That being said, since I was only being texted about what was going on and my friend never personally reached out about what was happening, I didn't understand how big the situation was. Once I got back to the church, I spent time with everyone and tried to be present to the people in front of me. That being said, I never texted my friend that night or the rest of the week until today because she had told me earlier that it was the only night she was free to talk to me. I feel extremely bad for not texting her. I have a problem with how detached I am from my phone, as well as a bad memory that makes me forget what I'm doing even in the moment (I know I should get that checked out, but there are many things that stop me from doing so). I didn't think the situation was really serious, so it left my mind until we met up to talk.

When we finally met and talked, she was upset with me because I never texted her. When I tried to explain that I did try to see her in person, she told me that I "gave up" after I didn't see her and that I "didn't do enough and it was a really shitty thing for me to do." Her exact words. She had also told me that she told two other friends (one whom she had previously shit-talked about me to) about the situation. That is fine, she can do what she wants however, the problem I have is that my friend is not the greatest when telling everything. I don't think she lies about stuff, and I never want to assume that, but she doesn't tell the full truth or story sometimes, especially to make herself look good or like the victim in the situation. I was very hurt that she told these girls about what was going on before she talked about anything with me.

I obviously feel really bad about not knowing what was happening and not understanding the severity of what was going on; however, this is not the first time something like this has happened. We lived together last year, and she was upset with how much time I had spent with my previous relationship. She was also upset about a guy she liked, and she ended up leaving to go for a drive and said, "I'm going to kill myself". Now, as someone who has attempted a few times, I got very worried and called her multiple times, and she never answered. I got so scared, I texted the guy that she had liked, asking if he knew where she was and telling him what was going on. When she finally came back, she blew up at me and said things like I needed to think before I went to tell people she was going to kill herself. I only reached out to the guy and told him what she had said. Once we were back on good terms, she kept telling people that she really said "I don't want to be here anymore" and that I was being too dramatic. Also, the only way anyone found out about that night was because she kept telling everyone around her.

My friend, her mom, and her two friends are all saying that because I didn't reach out on Tuesday night, and something could have happened, and I didn't step up, I am in the wrong. She had also mentioned during our talk that she was never actually going to kill herself.

After we were done talking, I left, and my boyfriend drove into town to see me and a few others. When I met up with him, I started crying, asking if I was good and if I was actually a good friend. I told him everything, and he told me that her choice in what she decides to do is not my fault. Both my boyfriend and I have attempted, so he had said if his friend who stayed with him on the phone didn't or hung up, his mom or anyone else wouldn't have blamed him for my boyfriend's death because he had no control over what my boyfriend did to himself. This made me feel a little better, but I have had maybe 10 hours of sleep over the last 48 hours due to my school work and now this situation. I have been told multiple times by people that I need to distance myself from this friend, but I never considered it because I want to be there to help her with whatever she may need. This situation, on top of others, though, has made me rethink whether I want to continue this friendship. I am really conflicted on what I should do for myself but also for my friend. I want to make sure she gets the help she needs.

Was I in the wrong? Is it bad of me to want to distance myself after this situation and start putting myself first in this friendship? I genuinely want to take accountability for all of the things I may have done wrong.

Also, I apologize for how long this is lol