Can I ever stop?

Does anyone believe in the phrase, once a cheater, always a cheater? I have cheated several time in my 15 years of marriage (31f). I can go years and been fine and loyal but idk just one I feel this urge, to find something else, to find a more emotional connection to someone for a while. I feel bad but then again somehow makes me then draw closer to my husband, am I wrong for this??