I can’t eat because of what my boyfriend says.

Hi, i’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and before i met him i was a very active (2 class boxing / muay thai classes a day /5 days a week) and i was never really insecure about myself or really ever thought about dieting. I would train and eat whatever i wanted and i was happy. Since we’ve been together i had to drop classes because I’ve been busy with work and studying and it was too overwhelming. I’m a size 8 AUS so that would be S-M and i’ve gained about 4 kilos since we met.

Recently i was going to search something up on his phone when i saw a recent search titled “How to tell your girlfriend she’s been putting on weight”. I confronted him and we spoke and he told me that he was just looking at what other people say but he doesn’t i’m fat… Obviously a cover up. Whatever after that i started feeling self conscious a little.

I started noticing im always focused on what im eating, searching up my calories and going all day without food. When i told him i haven’t eaten in 3 days ive only been drinking water all he said was “Yeah maybe you could have a biscuit or something small.” And i just felt defeated. I got home and stared at myself in the mirror for 20 minutes.

I have an event tomorrow and so i was trying on my sisters dresses. She’s a size 6 (size smaller than me) her dresses never used to fit me. It did. But i have never felt bigger in my life. What do i do about this? Whenever i speak to him about this he just tells me im not fat. He never directly calls me fat but there’s these little things like telling me to eat a biscuit on a 3day empty stomach.

I’m starting to feel miserable about myself and i can’t even look at food. I feel constantly dizzy and tired and i hate that it’s getting to me this much but how else am i meant to feel after the search and little comments thrown around. There was even a time where he made a comment about how his ex’s were all super skinny and this turned into a argument and when i asked what he thought i was on a scale of 1-10 10 being the fattest and 1 being the skinniest he said a 3/4.

How do i start feeling better about myself?