if this isn't love, why would it hurt this way

Dear *, I decided to no longer include the first letter of your name. I don't know why would you hurt me. Why would you need to slap in my face that I'm not special? That you don't like me back? Why do you need to be this cruel? It was hard for me to accept to see you being nice and warm to someone you just newly met, a way that you didn't do for me. You always give me a silent treatment. You are cold and distant. But ofcourse, that's what you should do, to finally drive me away from you. I respect how you didn't feel the same about me. But I just need to vent this out here in the open where no one knows me.

You are cruel. You are hurting me. I hate you for that. But the thing is.. I still could not bring myself to unlove you. Despite all the pain I'm feeling right now, I could not hate you, I just hate the situation that I am in.

You are the cause of my pain, and yet you are the cure. My wish is to be finally free from this feelings I've been keeping for the past years. I'm tired. I'm tired of my heart yearning for your love.