The conflict between loving your family but also wanting to live your truth

This is the most heartbreaking thing I’ve had to go through.

To love and love my family endlessly. To want to be someone they could be proud of. To be everything they’ve raised me to be.

I couldn’t break their hearts and stray from Islam, when it’s everything to them. Every decision they have made for me, is to want me to go to heaven.

But I can only do so much pretending.

The guilt of refusing to perform for the people you love is the worst guilt of all.

How I wish I could be that perfect muslimah daughter for them.

But it’s not me, and it will never be me. And until I die I think I’ll forever feel guilty for not giving them the daughter they deserve.