it could’ve been something

WE could have been something, damn it. something real. something big. i feel it in my gut.

and yet. we ended up with nothing instead.

it’s strange. right after we disconnected, i was so uncertain and so unsure about what it all was. what happened. how you felt. how you didn’t.

and some days, i still am. i get in my head about it.

but the more distance i get from it, the more i can see it from a bird’s eye view …the more i think you DID feel it. and you were afraid. it would’ve been grownup. it would’ve asked something of you that you didn’t know how to give yet.

maybe it’s the biggest cope of all time. maybe you just didn’t actually like me enough to push forward and be the man i needed. maybe there was someone or something else. maybe you just didn’t give a shit.

but my heart and my brain have talked it over for months now. and they keep saying, “what a shame he wasn’t braver.”