almost 6 years clean, but I relapsed today

I haven’t self harmed since I was 13. Life has been beating me up left and right, but I fought and I lived. I really did, for nearly six goddamn fucking years.

But Idk. I think I’m just spiraling and nothing I do has helped. I can’t stop arguing with my family. I’m being kicked out at the end of this month. Nothing that is mine is really mine. I can’t find a place to live. My boyfriend (the first person and only person Ive actually loved in a long, long time) and I have been fighting and giving each other the cold shoulder. All Ive been doing is crying, and even that I can’t control.

Nothing about my life feels like it’s in my control except for this ig. Cutting gives me back that sense of control in my life that I want.

Idk. I’m just so, so exhausted. I just want all of this to be over with.