Scared to death

I had a colonoscopy today, the doctor could only get 30cm in to my sigmoid colon before diagnosing what he believes is a malignant tumour 10cm wide. I’m F45 and in the uk.

I hadn’t really had any major concerns until around New Year’s Eve when I started suffering quite bad tenesmus early in the morning which would subside by lunch, this progressed to different every day. Some days I felt fine, other days I have a stitch like pain in my right side and then there’s days where I can sit on the toilet every 30 mins.

I did not expect this today though.

When I saw the doctor my fit test was 200 and my calprotectin was 670.

What happens next? Can someone help me process the absolute jumble of emotions I’m going through?